28 February 2015
On Moralism
Pure behavior change never made anyone a better person. At best, it made them a better actor. So if you look to behavioral trends and practices to measure the moral state of yourself, your community, your country, or your world, you will consistently and drastically overestimate it.
02 February 2015
On Modesty
I wasn't originally planning on writing this post. Usually ideas need to bounce around my head for a week or two before I actually get around to writing them down. I currently have one I've been mulling over (something about people truly desiring pain, not pleasure). For whatever reason, the issue of "modesty", particularly as it pertains to women's choices in clothing, has come back into the spotlight recently, and I figured I would at least put in my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
I will start with some definitions and clarifications. When I am talking about "modesty", I am talking primarily about the types of clothes that people choose to wear and the reactions, specifically erotic or sexual ones, that said clothes induces in other people. While this conversation tends to be geared towards women, I believe it applies to men as well, but in a slightly different way. Furthermore, I am mainly addressing men and women who are part of a Christian covenant community. The things I say in this post have no application to those who do not consider themselves part of such a community, as they are not governed by the same laws. Lest anyone tell you differently, let me reassure you that until you acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, no amount of behavioral change can ever save you, nor do any "Christian" rules apply to you.
I wholeheartedly believe that modesty is, first and foremost, a love issue. It deals with the way that men and women within the covenant community interact with each other and treat each other. There is, however, one exception to this claim. While I cannot speak from experience, I do believe, unfortunately, that there are times when women and girls will purposefully dress and act a certain way for the conscious purpose of gaining attention from other people. This is often done either as an exercise of control or power, as it shows they can control others' responses, or as a desire for validation and approval, as each glance acknowledges, however superficially or incompletely, their value or worth. I firmly believe that this is an issue within the girl's own heart, and should be addressed within the female community, as I, as a male, cannot really identify with this, nor begin to address it. However, I also choose to believe that, particularly within Christian circles, this is not always the motivation for wearing clothes that may be deemed "immodest". It is this other case, where the female's motives are not primarily impure, that I am addressing here.
So back to my claim that modesty is a love issue. We are told over and over again in both the Old and New Testament that we are to love one another (Leviticus 19:18, John 13:34-25, Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:2, Hebrews 10:24). It is pretty clear that our interactions with one another are to be defined by Godly, Biblical love. Note that this type of love is mainly agape and philia, although storge may have a part in there as well. We are not talking about eros, or romantic love.
Now, as a man, let me come out and say this: I struggle with sexual purity, with lustful thoughts, and with viewing women and their bodies as objects of pleasure instead of co-image bearers of God. And I can say for certain that I am not alone in this. In fact, nearly all Christian men struggle in this area. And I freely admit, this is a sin issue within my heart, and within the hearts of all who struggle with it. Jesus clearly states "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). In other words, it's the thought that counts, and it counts against us. Every second glance, wandering gaze, and drifting thought is, in the eyes of God, who "looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7), the same as acting on those desires. We deserve the same that adulterers, prostitutes, and rapists deserve, for our crime is the same: taking sex and sexual pleasure outside the context of the intimate, soul-joining, covenanted love of marriage for which it was created.
Let me reiterate: this is a sin issue within the hearts of men in the Church. So often in this conversation we can start pointing the finger at women, blaming them for dressing a certain way. To the women who have experienced this, I would like to say I am sorry. We, as men, have a tendency to do this, and it started all the way back in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve for making him break the one law God had clearly given to him. In neither case does any action on the part of the woman have any bearing on the fact that the man has knowingly disobeyed God and has thus failed as a man.
This is where the love comes in. Rather than contributing to this fractured relationship, I think we, the men of the Church, need to love the women, and the first way we can do this is by admitting our struggles and taking responsibility for them. We are commanded to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5) and whenever we lust after women, we are failing in this. Furthermore, we are commanded to love women "as Christ loved the Church and gave herself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Lusting is the exact opposite of this type of love to which we are called. Lust makes the object of our lust a tool to please us, rather than giving ourselves up for women as we are meant to. So the solution to the lust problem is not in looser-fitting clothes, it is in a deeper and more Godly love for women on the part of men, which comes only from experience God's love for us more fully.
Hopefully you see that I am not letting men off of the hook by any means. However, I would now like to address the role of women. I believe women, too, need to love the men of the Church more deeply and more Godly. First of all, you can do this by listening to some of the verses above about love and bearing with us men in humility and gentleness (Ephesians 4:2), and trying to understand where we are coming from in terms of our thoughts and struggles. Please recognize and understand that this is a huge area of weakness and temptation for men in the church today. You can choose to blame society, the media, or Satan himself for this, but I am simply telling you how it is. So, with that in mind, I am asking you all for help. Help us, the men, become better men of God. For guidance on how to do this, I turn to Romans 14, a passage about the "weak" and "strong" Christian.
Like I said before, the bottom line in all of this is love. Greater love and respect for women on the part of men so as to not view them as anything less than chosen children of God, and greater love for men on the part of women so as to not knowingly cause them distress on their journey to being transformed into better sons of God. There are plenty of struggles that are more prevalent in men or women, and we, as a community and the body of Christ, need to acknowledge these struggles and respond in love.
I will start with some definitions and clarifications. When I am talking about "modesty", I am talking primarily about the types of clothes that people choose to wear and the reactions, specifically erotic or sexual ones, that said clothes induces in other people. While this conversation tends to be geared towards women, I believe it applies to men as well, but in a slightly different way. Furthermore, I am mainly addressing men and women who are part of a Christian covenant community. The things I say in this post have no application to those who do not consider themselves part of such a community, as they are not governed by the same laws. Lest anyone tell you differently, let me reassure you that until you acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, no amount of behavioral change can ever save you, nor do any "Christian" rules apply to you.
I wholeheartedly believe that modesty is, first and foremost, a love issue. It deals with the way that men and women within the covenant community interact with each other and treat each other. There is, however, one exception to this claim. While I cannot speak from experience, I do believe, unfortunately, that there are times when women and girls will purposefully dress and act a certain way for the conscious purpose of gaining attention from other people. This is often done either as an exercise of control or power, as it shows they can control others' responses, or as a desire for validation and approval, as each glance acknowledges, however superficially or incompletely, their value or worth. I firmly believe that this is an issue within the girl's own heart, and should be addressed within the female community, as I, as a male, cannot really identify with this, nor begin to address it. However, I also choose to believe that, particularly within Christian circles, this is not always the motivation for wearing clothes that may be deemed "immodest". It is this other case, where the female's motives are not primarily impure, that I am addressing here.
So back to my claim that modesty is a love issue. We are told over and over again in both the Old and New Testament that we are to love one another (Leviticus 19:18, John 13:34-25, Romans 12:10, Ephesians 4:2, Hebrews 10:24). It is pretty clear that our interactions with one another are to be defined by Godly, Biblical love. Note that this type of love is mainly agape and philia, although storge may have a part in there as well. We are not talking about eros, or romantic love.
Now, as a man, let me come out and say this: I struggle with sexual purity, with lustful thoughts, and with viewing women and their bodies as objects of pleasure instead of co-image bearers of God. And I can say for certain that I am not alone in this. In fact, nearly all Christian men struggle in this area. And I freely admit, this is a sin issue within my heart, and within the hearts of all who struggle with it. Jesus clearly states "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). In other words, it's the thought that counts, and it counts against us. Every second glance, wandering gaze, and drifting thought is, in the eyes of God, who "looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7), the same as acting on those desires. We deserve the same that adulterers, prostitutes, and rapists deserve, for our crime is the same: taking sex and sexual pleasure outside the context of the intimate, soul-joining, covenanted love of marriage for which it was created.
Let me reiterate: this is a sin issue within the hearts of men in the Church. So often in this conversation we can start pointing the finger at women, blaming them for dressing a certain way. To the women who have experienced this, I would like to say I am sorry. We, as men, have a tendency to do this, and it started all the way back in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve for making him break the one law God had clearly given to him. In neither case does any action on the part of the woman have any bearing on the fact that the man has knowingly disobeyed God and has thus failed as a man.
This is where the love comes in. Rather than contributing to this fractured relationship, I think we, the men of the Church, need to love the women, and the first way we can do this is by admitting our struggles and taking responsibility for them. We are commanded to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5) and whenever we lust after women, we are failing in this. Furthermore, we are commanded to love women "as Christ loved the Church and gave herself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Lusting is the exact opposite of this type of love to which we are called. Lust makes the object of our lust a tool to please us, rather than giving ourselves up for women as we are meant to. So the solution to the lust problem is not in looser-fitting clothes, it is in a deeper and more Godly love for women on the part of men, which comes only from experience God's love for us more fully.
Hopefully you see that I am not letting men off of the hook by any means. However, I would now like to address the role of women. I believe women, too, need to love the men of the Church more deeply and more Godly. First of all, you can do this by listening to some of the verses above about love and bearing with us men in humility and gentleness (Ephesians 4:2), and trying to understand where we are coming from in terms of our thoughts and struggles. Please recognize and understand that this is a huge area of weakness and temptation for men in the church today. You can choose to blame society, the media, or Satan himself for this, but I am simply telling you how it is. So, with that in mind, I am asking you all for help. Help us, the men, become better men of God. For guidance on how to do this, I turn to Romans 14, a passage about the "weak" and "strong" Christian.
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. (Romans 14:13-15)While that passage centers on types of food that can be eaten, the logic and lessons clearly apply to other scenarios. In regards to lust and modesty, men are the "weak" Christian. We admit it, we are weak. In that passage, it says to "accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters" (v. 1). Yes, ideally, lust would not be an issue, and you all would be free to wear whatever you want. But since I have told you that it is, I am asking you to help us in this area by not putting "any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister". Just like Paul says about food, I don't think that there is anything inherently sinful about yoga pants or deep v-neck shirts. Recall that, before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed (Genesis 2:25). However, because we are sinful, I am telling you that these clothes do cause us to stumble. So, on behalf of your brothers in Christ, I ask my sisters in Christ to love us and help us in our area of weakness.
Like I said before, the bottom line in all of this is love. Greater love and respect for women on the part of men so as to not view them as anything less than chosen children of God, and greater love for men on the part of women so as to not knowingly cause them distress on their journey to being transformed into better sons of God. There are plenty of struggles that are more prevalent in men or women, and we, as a community and the body of Christ, need to acknowledge these struggles and respond in love.
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